The teenage years are a very exciting as
well as daunting time for many children. It is a time of rapid growth and change, physically, mentally and socially. These are very exciting as well as times of significant stress and apprehension.
Teenage is called adolescence by psychologists. By far most cultures agree that adolescence is the period of transition between childhood and adulthood. It is a time in a child’s life where they face maximum changes and challenges
in different aspects- biological, psychological, social, moral and spiritual aspects. For some teenagers, change can be scary, whereas others take it in their stride.
Teenage years see the shift from the dependency of childhood to increased independence. With the increase in independence comes an in- crease in freedom, but with that freedom, comes responsibilities. Attitudes and perspectives change and close family members often feel they are suddenly living with a stranger.
Some of the reasons that are responsible for the increase in unhappiness over the teenage years are listed below.
Awareness and recognition of the reasons/causes is the first step towards overcoming unhappiness:
1. Changes in lifestyle, family and social support: The present socio-cultural and economic conditions have transformed families and lifestyle. With the increase in parental job responsibilities, stress and distractions from internet, media and allied services there has been a sharp decline in social support. Teenagers may feel tossed in between parents, unable to find quality time and support from either of the parents.
With the advent of nuclear families many youngsters are brought up in cocooned surroundings that fosters low threshold for disappointments, failure, loss and pain.
On the other hand with the children’s priorities changing with easy access to media, inter- net, mobile phone, gaming etc., they seem to be living in a bubble, totally disconnected with the realities of life. They seem to be disregarding the availability of social support, family bonds and live like strangers in their own houses.
2. Immature thought process of adolescence: How we think (cognition), how we feel (emotion) and how we act (behavior) are all interconnected and interact together. Time and again researchers have highlighted the immature thought process of adolescence. This immature thought process is the result of the following-
a. Egocentrism – intense preoccupation with one’s own feelings and lack of connection to feelings of others.
Teenager’s self-absorption leads to only being able to see the world through their own perspective.
b. Idealism and Criticalness – the feeling that he/she knows better than others/ adults and hence constantly find fault in parents/adult/ authority figures.
c. Argumentativeness – Since the teenager is testing their new found abilities at reasoning, it is seen that their arguments that lack objectivity & verification of facts.
d. Indecisiveness – lack of effective choosing strategies when given alternatives.
e. Apparent Hypocrisy – Inability to recognize the difference between expressing an ideal and making the sacrifices necessary to live up to it.
f. Self-consciousness and imaginary audience – thinking people are watching/judging them all the time; the belief that one is the focus of others’ thinking and attention
g. Specialness and invulnerability – Personal fable: the belief that no one else can possibly understand one’s feelings and experiences because they are unique
h. Illusion of invulnerability – the belief that bad things only happen only to other people-‘Nothing would happen to me even if I take any sort of risk’.
3. Pressures: Pressure from peers, parents, and society to conform to conflicting expectations is yet another cause for the unhappiness of teenage years. Inability to manage time effectively, difficulty with demanding academics, bullying in school and neighbourhoods, lack
of good role models and mentors can all be the reason for increased pressure and experience of unhappiness in teenage years.
What can you do to overcome unhappiness and promote positive feelings / emotions during teenage years?
1. Identify your thought process and work towards changing the negative and immature thought process.
2. Enhance your threshold levels to deal with frustrations, failure in exams, loss in relation- ships or issues relating to your immediate environment by developing effective coping mechanisms.
3. Overcome the social and physical deprivation brought about by video games, social media, mobile phones etc. that has increased your reactivity to stress. Report if you experience cyber- crimes, cyber bullying, and addiction to online materials or video games. Adhere to a personal time schedule and find time for online, offline activities and activities that promote personal health. Don’t let virtual realities and gadgets take control of you
4. Connect with people- Parents, siblings, peers, friends, teachers- for social support. Take time to introspect and patch relationships. Practice forgiveness and accept people unconditionally. Learn and practice social skills to managing Relationships.
5. Develop right Attitude towards the pursuit of academic endeavors No alternative to Hard Work and Perseverance
6. Take professional help from counselors or initiate a dialogue with elders or your parents if you experience continued unhappiness. Talk about your friendship or romantic relationship if it’s the cause of unhappiness and stress.
In sum, to be happy, remember to be rooted firmly in your culture and value system. Lean to be happy and smile more often. Believe and surrender yourself in front of the higher powers of the universe, the Almighty.
According to Lewis Howes, ‘Life is too ironic. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, noise to appreciate silence, absence to value presence’. Be happy always.
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