The person who is aware of his own weaknesses and strives to overcome them is slow to judge and swift to give others the benefit of the doubt.
Joy Prakash OFM
I begin this reflection beating my own breast, moaning “mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa”, knowing fully well that I myself am part of the detestable indulgence. I have borrowed the title of this reflection from a 2013 address of Pope Francis. He stated, “I don’t know why, but there is a dark joy in gossiping. Sometimes we begin by saying nice things about another, but then we slip into gossip, making the object of our chatter merchandise to be bartered. We need to yearn and seek for forgiveness because when we do this to a friend, we do it to Jesus, Jesus himself being this ‘friend’.
We all engage in some measure of gossip, and most of the time we don’t realize we’re doing it. We think we’re simply being social by conversing with another person, and knowingly or unknowingly we are led into it.
What makes gossip joyful is the sense of superiority that it gives us over another. We lose sight of our own flaws. Gossip always carries with it an undertone of judgementalism. There is a feeling of one-upmanship. This gives us the moral uprightness to feel superior to another. As Richard Rohr says, “If I can prove that you are stupid, it makes me temporarily smart. If I can prove that you are a sinner, then there is something in me that tells me I’m a saint. We are relieved by having an enemy, by having someone to hate, someone who is a problem, thus attacking, accusing, I am off the hook.” Richard also adds, “But God never joins this dance.”
There are times when we are only too ready to spread scandal with a bit of spicey gossip, our sense of self-righteousness making us throw stones. And there’s a lot of stone throwing going on at the moment; the news is full of tales of individuals who have done apparently sinful things. Many of us like to point at them – priests and bishops, athletes, the neighbour next door, whomever, and say, along with the rest of the group, that there is no way that we could have done what he or she did; that even in similar situations or circumstances, we would certainly have acted differently. That’s a comforting thought, though mostly a lie.
“How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by humankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (Jas 3:6-10).
Living spiritually is a serious occupation and leaves no room for complacency. Our words of conversation, the fruits of our tongues are a true indication of our spiritual health and our spiritual life. When we open our lips we should be intent on praising God and refrain from hurting others. We are asked to search as carefully for our own faults as we do for the faults of others, because concentrating on ridding ourselves of the big blotches of imperfection in our personal lives will leave us with precious little time to comment on the failures of others. The person who is aware of his own weaknesses and strives to overcome them is slow to judge and swift to give others the benefit of the doubt.
How miserable it all becomes when it spills over into spiteful personal gossip. It is no exaggeration to say that gossip is the most vicious and dangerous type of talk. All this tittle-tattle business of passing on scandalous tales about people does untold damage, resulting as it does in shredding reputations. All who have been victims of engaging tongues know the pain inflicted. Socrates once said that nature has given us two ears, two eyes and only one tongue precisely so that we hear more than we speak. If we cannot say something good about another then it is best to remain silent. Isn’t it lovely when occasionally we meet someone who isn’t interested in people’s failings but only in their good points?
“It is better to eat meat and drink wine and not to eat the flesh of one’s brothers through slanderous words” (Desert Father, Abba Hyperechius).
From an anonymous poem:
My name is Gossip.
I have no respect for justice.
I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning, malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted, the more I am believed.
I flourish at every level of society.
My victims are helpless.
They cannot protect themselves against me because
I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible.
The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody's friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and wreck marriages.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartaches and indigestion.
I spawn suspicion and generate grief.
I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
Even my name hisses.
I am called gossip: office gossip, shop gossip, party gossip, telephone gossip.
I make headlines and headaches.
Remember,
When you repeat a story, ask yourself:
Is it true? Is it fair? Is it necessary?
If not, do not repeat it.
Keep quiet.
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