The head of the family or a leader having an authoritarian attitude is a major block to listening.
MONICA FERNANDES
It is unfortunate that, with the advent of messaging via different media, we are losing the art of listening. Listening forms an essential part of communication as we get to hear the other person’s point of view. Just like any other skill worth having, we need to hone and practice our listening skills.
Active Listening: Active listening plays an important part in resolving conflicts and in counseling. It is important to maintain eye contact with the speaker as this indicates that you are paying. The listener should maintain an open, relaxed posture with legs and hands uncrossed. Do not interrupt the speaker but do nod at times to indicate that you are listening. Your voice and tone when interacting with the speaker should be modulated and take care of your facial expressions. A good listener picks up the body language of the speaker. Repeat what he/she says after a pause in order not to create a misunderstanding. Avoid talking too fast.
Blocks to Listening: We are unaware of some of the mental blocks which prevent us from listening attentively. We add our own interpretation to what the listener is saying and chances are that we are completely wrong! Sometimes we are so busy rehearsing our answer that we do not listen. Another human tendency is to filter out what we choose to ignore.
“Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable — and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That's how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities.” Peter Nulty, Fortune Magazine
Being judgmental, harbouring pre-determined ideas about the speaker being ‘stupid’ or ‘uneducated’ should be avoided. For instance, the head of the department in an office may have excellent managerial skills but a worker on the shop floor may be able to pinpoint exactly a fault in the machine design that needs to be corrected, thus saving the company a lot of money.
In a group, expert advice by non-experts is free but will not be appreciated by the speaker who may be very knowledgeable on the given subject. It is our ego that is talking. We crave for attention and believe that our views are correct. We have a closed mind. Sometimes it would appear that we are out to win a popularity contest when we try to placate the speaker and agree to everything he or she is saying. Another pitfall to avoid is when we immediately start identifying with our own experience instead of listening attentively to the speaker.
“You cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time” says, M. Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled. Multi-tasking is another block to listening. For instance, if Anita is busy cooking and simultaneously chatting with her friend on the phone, not paying hundred percent attention, it is okay. But if her daughter has had a rough day at school and wants to air out her frustration, Anita should stop cooking so that she is able to give her daughter full attention. In this way she would also build a good rapport with her daughter.
Another block to listening is the convenient excuse of not having time. This excuse comes handy when we do not want to spend some quality time with an elderly relative at home reminiscing about the stories of the good old days. Strangely we have the time to spend hours watching a movie but do not have the time to listen to the elderly. We have the time to listen to the cute prattle of a child but not to the lonely aged at home.
The head of the family having an authoritarian attitude is a major block to listening. Joe’s father is a doctor and insists that his son follows in his footsteps. He turns a deaf ear to Joe’s pleas that he wants to be a musician instead. This kind of an obdurate attitude will result in Joe being unhappy and drifting away from his father.
Relationships in a group are fostered when there is attentive listening to each other’s point of view. Members of a group are able to collaborate towards problem solving instead of competing with each other.
We are doing a disservice to our speaker when we are wool gathering instead of paying attention. A good listener is aware of his/her own abilities and prejudices in order to remove them. A genuine listener works towards building trust, maintain confidentiality, setting aside his/her emotions, responding sensitively and assisting the speaker to express his/her true feelings.
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