The tragedy of not noticing the other person, not tuning into the other person, to empathise and to understand what is going on with them makes us less human.
SAJI P MATHEW OFM
Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, talks about a classic experiment in social psychology in a theological seminary. Each student was told that they are going to get a topic for a practice sermon. Many were given the passage of the Good Samaritan - the story of a stranger who was wounded and was left by the wayside, and the man who stopped by to help this stranger in need who was lying by the side of the road. The students were supposed to prepare the sermon and go to the next building and deliver the sermon. As each student were going over to the next building to deliver their well prepared sermon they passed by a man who was bent over and groaning in pain. The interesting question of the social experiment is, ‘did they stop to help?’ And the more interesting question is, ‘did it matter if they are following the parable of the Good Samaritan?’ The social experiment proved that it did not matter, the study of the parable of the Good Samaritan and the preparation of the sermon made no difference at all in their social behaviour; what mattered was how well they had learned the story and how well they would deliver it. This is the story of our lives.
The tragedy of not noticing the other person, not tuning into the other person, to empathise and to understand what is going on with them, and if they are in need, and there is something that we can do, like being compassionate and helping them, makes us less human. Qualities such as self-awareness, empathy and social skills are more important than raw IQ. These so-called softer skills are the ones which determine whether or not people excel at work, have flourishing relationships, be able to navigate through difficult conversations, and develop pro-social behaviour.
Staying on with Goleman, “Emotional Intelligence refers to how well we handle ourselves and our relationships.” The competencies often spoken about are knowing what we are feeling and why we are feeling it, which would lead to good decision making; handling our stressful emotions in effective manner that they don't cripple you; getting involved and enthused in what we are doing; knowing what others are going through; and developing a skilled social relationships. Goleman proposes that we must teach kids in a systematic way, self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and social skills.
Emotional Intelligence and Prodcutivity
The World Economic Forum published the Future of Jobs report in 2015. Many chief human resources officers from global companies were asked what they saw as the top talents and proficiencies required for workers to thrive by 2020. Interestingly enough there was a consensus, they said, Emotional Intelligence. Fast forward to 2022, emotional intelligence unquestionably has become an important predictor of job success. Companies are placing a high value on people with Emotional Intelligence for several reasons, like, they cooperate better with others, are exceptional listeners, are open to feedback, and show more empathy.
Amusingly, most of the above competencies are not taught in business schools; they are not even must have resources to start a business; but they determine your productivity. Jeff Bezos, the founder of Amazon, which is arguably one of the most productive and successful companies of 21st century, talks about cleverness, money, and competitiveness, without which one can’t do businesses; but strangely he places a greater importance on being kind, which is a choice one makes; and it is a consequence of Emotional Intelligence. A quote from Theodore Roosevelt may be in place here, “No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
Emotional Intelligence and Anti/Prosocial Behaviour
Prosocial behaviours are characterised by engagement with the other and a concern for the rights, feelings, and welfare of other people. They include a wide range of actions such as helping, sharing, comforting, and cooperating. Social scientists use this term as antonym for the term antisocial behavior.
Studies have established that Emotional Intelligence plays a role in promoting prosocial behaviour; and minimizing antisocial behaviours. Individuals with high Emotional Intelligence show better empathy, and less negative behaviours in interactions with others.
The social behaviour of people: how leaders lead, how teachers teach, how parents parent depends on their emotional intelligence. Marc Brackett, the founding director of the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence and professor in the Child Study Centre at Yale University has a four colour graph to self-check our Emotional Quotient. According to the degree of the emotional energy level and the pleasantness of the moment our social behaviours change. If one feels very unpleasant at a moment and very high on energy, then one could go antisocial. If one is feeling pleasant and high on energy, one could behave very prosocial. The effectiveness of life would depend on acknowledging our thoughts and feelings and work on them, and build up healthy optimism which sustains high emotional energies?
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