Quite often all we need is time, assurance, and encouragement. We work well with carrots than sticks.
ANONYMOUS
I recently watched a Kannada movie where the casual use of the acronym ‘ADHD’ evoked all the big emotions in me. Although I didn’t really express how I felt, I remember it stayed with me.
Growing up was hard. I remember how difficult it was for my parents to
get me to study. I was not able to focus, because the usual subjects in school didn’t interest me. I would sit with novels in class while the teacher continued to teach maths or science. This lead me to failing and repeating a year in school. I used to ask myself, why I can’t remember tasks or things I studied at school? Why do I always fail to meet the deadlines
for my assignments? Why can’t I be like everybody else? Why can’t I learn by- heart everything like other kids? The only answer is that I was not them, I was me.
In my college I did better because I liked psychology and sociology. These subjects caught my attention. I learn better through practically learning over theory. I have always been a kinesthetic learner. My course in bachelors involved
a lot of practical work. This physically doing things over just studying helped me better, and get better grades. I learned how to operate a camera, edit videos, shoot, write scripts, do theatre, etc. they required me to open myself to a lot of new skills that were movement based. That’s how I realised that sitting in one place to learn and leaning only through books or rote learning is not my game. To function, and to lead a better life I needed to involve movement, creativity, action based activities.
Now here’s a disclaimer. I am not diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), by a certified professional. This is a self-diagnosis and it is extremely common in the ADHD community. Often, the symptoms of ADHD are notoriously difficult to be diagnosed among women in general. They are dismissed as depression and anxiety, without probing further. And getting a diagnosis in India is even harder.
Often ADHD is only associated with children. ADHD in adults is barely seen and acknowledged. Only now a
lot of people are talking about it. More psychiatrists are seeing the possibility of its existence. My first encounter with Adult ADHD took place while I was studying for my masters.
I was listening to a podcast while riding a bike, I know it’s not safe but I felt a huge sigh of relief as I heard the host talk about her symptoms and I remember relating with every single one of them and telling myself, ‘I am glad what I feel has
a name’. What happened next was that I was in denial. ‘Maybe it’s not that’ ‘Maybe I am overreacting’ ‘Maybe I am overthinking’ and then I stopped thinking about it. But it always stayed at the back of my head. I would read about it randomly somewhere and then relate to symptoms again and again. Allow me to explain a few of them.
• I struggle to complete tasks on time, only rarely do I meet my deadlines.
• I procrastinate until I finally have to get to the task to try reaching my deadline and my mind hyper focuses on the task at hand.
• I have all-or-none thinking.
• Deal with Analysis Paralysis.
• Forget tasks, important appointments, calls, assignments, and you know the drift.
• Shift from one interesting thing to another because now that’s interesting.
• Interrupting other people in conversation because I would forget what I am saying, if I am not saying it right now.
• Procrastinating on tasks because it’s boring and not exciting.
• Having extreme low days where small tasks feel like a mountain to climb.
• And there are many more.
A lot of these symptoms may appear quite common. But, the difference is in how they affect your day-to-day functioning. For those with ADHD, the symptoms can be so severe that they can prevent us from not only achieving our full potential but also trigger extreme guilt.
My ADHD has made me extremely self- critical, because what everybody else can manage to do so easily is what I struggle with. People with ADHD work twice harder to fit in, not to do something wrong, say something wrong, or be weird.
Quite often all we need is time, assurance and encouragement. We work well with carrots than sticks. We need a supportive coach who pushes, helps and celebrates us when we do well. A critic will only push us to the brink of depression.
I joined an ADHD support group a few months ago, where all participants discuss our experiences, struggles, hacks to be able to function better. And we do this with the help of movement and art. Many times expressing through art and movement works better. Other times, being able to express in a group setting helps us to cope, recharge, relate, feel, seen and heard; and that seems enough to feel comfortable in our own skin.
Books for help: Driven to Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell; You Mean I’m not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?! by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.
Author’s name is not mentioned on request, and considering the person’s present position.
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