Togetherness is of paramount importance for fostering relationships within the family.
MONICA FERNANDES
William Shakespeare writes in his play Macbeth about ‘Vaulting Ambition’ - overreaching ambition that eventually leads to the downfall of Lord and Lady Macbeth. ‘Vaulting Ambition’ is having a deleterious effect on the basic unit of society, viz. the family. If the building blocks are dysfunctional, it stands to reason that the smooth functioning of society is jeopardized.
Ambition has been defined as ‘an ardent desire for distinction’. It is the force that keeps the wheels of civilization turning. If it were not for the collective ambition of countless individuals, both famous and lesser known mortals, we would not have enjoyed the conveniences we take so much for granted. However, ambition driven parents with self-glorification as their raison d’etre, could spell disaster to relation- ships within the family.
We are jet setting the way of the West where individualism, instant gratification and consumerism are the be all and end all of life. The irresistible neon lights display advertisements which tempt us to endlessly buy for which we have to endlessly work. Where is the time to fulfill the basic function of parenthood, viz. to nurture the emotional, spiritual, mental and physical dimensions of our children? We are stifling their growth in confidence and integrity to enable them to become happy, well-adjusted and contributing members of society.
Rohan is a workaholic in order to acquire the status symbols of a larger car, a bigger house and membership in a fancy club. Never mind if he has barely any time to spend either at home or at the club. His wife likewise is very busy with her career and in socializing. Of course we have to work to enjoy a better lifestyle but we should set limits. Also we should bear in mind that the air is pretty rarefied on the peak of the treacherous mountain called ‘Success’. It’s a dog-eat-dog existence.
It is pertinent to mention that domestic help are paid to do their job. There is often no emotional bonds with their employees, added to which they often come from maladjusted homes themselves. In the age of instant coffee, we harbor the wrong assumption that rapport could be instantaneous. We tout the new-fangled concept of ‘quality time’. Is it possible for a child to fall sick or have his/her exams during ‘quality time’ that does not interfere with the business trip we must attend in order to go up the ladder of success?
There is no set timetable we can adhere
to. Different kids require varying attention. The same child requires varying attention at different stages of his or her life. For instance, a teenager requires parental time so that he/she does not fall into the wrong company and does not get unduly influenced by the social media.
No matter what the media says, it is not possible to be Superman or Superwoman. Alice leads a hectic life. She works in a bank during the day and is a soloist in a choir in the evenings. Her husband works abroad. Hence the children are neglected. Alice could make some compromises such as choosing a less remunerative job nearer home or joining a less demanding choir.
I have always worked in a 9-to-5 job. But my parents and in-laws pitched in by keeping an eye on the maid when the children were young. Like Alice, I too joined a choir but did so only when the kids were fairly grown up and for part of the year. I also had the support of my late husband, Nelson, who took up the children’s studies while I went for singing practice.
Togetherness is of paramount importance for fostering relationships within the family. Family dinner at the table without the TV on was a must at our home as this activity was a chance for parents and children to draw support from one another. Youngster may have a teacher who picks on her for no rhyme or reason and Dad may be the victim of politics in the jungle euphemistically called the ‘workplace’. Dinner time is a time for sharing and caring and so are family outings such as picnics, going out for dinner, a movie, a play, a dance recital.
One comes across people who have no physical disability but man-made psychological handicaps such as lack of self-esteem, because of childhood neglect. Do we want our kids to be a part of this group or do we want to bring out the best in them?
Parenthood is not an easy vocation in times of the mass media. Despite our best intentions, we parents do make Himalayan blunders such as pushing our children too hard academically or not allowing them to choose a career they are interested in. Kids of devoted and law abiding citizens do sometimes go astray. But the chances of such an occurrence are less when parents are around for their kids. If we single mindedly pursue will-o-wisps of status symbols that will be buried with us, we may have to pay the heavy price of children going astray and lose their love as well.
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