There is always side B to the side A we see at first. This, is where I believe we need to be careful and conscious.
VANHMINGLIANI HNAMTE
The ability of human beings to influence each other has always been a fascinating topic to me. One day, you see or meet another person, and you got very impressed by them that you resonate with their ideas and behaviour, amongst many other things. This is often a helpful strategy when you want someone to learn new things, such as teaching children how to use a spoon and a fork; or when you want to unlearn a habit, such as sleeping very late at night. Having the right kind of people can influence you to be better.
But we live in a world where there is always side B to the side A we see at first. To write this article, I was debating whether I should touch more on the “toxic femininity” part or not. It had dawned on me that the term “toxic femininity” is not understood properly by most people. It is a novel term which became mainstream way after 2015. And yet, I bet most of us who use social media such as Twitter, Instagram etc. had come across this term at least once. The term seemed to point towards anti-feminism or such things. It mostly refers to a situation where females are “forced” to conform to society’s standards of women, such as being demure, not talking loudly, being passive, able to cook, sensitive, marriage-oriented etc. It is without a doubt, that society has certain expectations for males and females. Toxic Masculinity has been around for some time before we came across the term Toxic Femininity. Nevertheless, they are both harmful for the mental, emotional and perhaps even physical health of human beings. Society grooms us into our gender-specific roles and expectations since our birth, and those shape our view about the world and of ourselves.
It’s said that, “In a relationship the man becomes her strength and the woman becomes his weakness”. I find this to mean that they can help each other grow. Girls/Women (females) are known to have been socialized to be more matured, more responsible, more caring etc. This maybe done consciously or unconsciously. And this process of socialization makes us females emotionally stronger (on an average) than our male counterparts. This, is where I believe we need to be careful and conscious. Like Beyoncé sang, “Who run the world? Girls.” We have the power to deeply influence our partners. Men tend to listen to the women they love, to the women they admire (whatever quality or values that may be, can be subjective, but nevertheless, they tend to follow what we preach).
In a relationship this dynamic can become fragile for either one. And when the woman isn’t good at heart, when she is conniving and manipulative, when she tends to only think of herself first and the rest of the world don’t matter if she gets what she wants; and on top of that, if she is backed up by the man who she has wrapped around her fingers, supporting and doing her biddings, all the while he thinks that’s his choice and not because of her, other bonds are bound to be broken. The world can turn upside down for everyone involved.
The men in these cases seemed to think what they say or do come from within themselves. They don’t know how calculative women can be. And that’s when his downfall starts. This is particularly harmful for the men themselves. Again, this is because of our socialization process. He would become the laughing stock in so many ways: like being called a hen-pecked husband, or for being “weak” for not having a mind of his own, or for finally having a breakdown for others to see. These kind of weaknesses are not welcomed in society and the man will be looked down by others.
I feel this was seen between Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith and the slapping incident at the Oscars, which led to him being banned for the next ten years. He was one of the most cherished actor until then.And now, on a much larger scale we see it in Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Prince Harry is accused of being under the spell of an American divorcee who apparently encouraged him to leave his family, duties and country. (We saw how Johny Depp was blindly in love with Amber Heard, and again on a smaller scale, Brooklyn Beckham apparently has a strained relationship with the Beckhams after marrying Nicola Peltz). These women seemed to be adored by their men (who according to me are/ were blindly infatuated). These women know how to work their men, and squeeze the juices out of them, leaving them dry and confused but making them believe they are in control, and every choices are made by them. This encourages the man to believe that the woman is a supportive and loving figure who validates his feelings. He feels that he has won in life. And his stupidity knows no bounds.
Women do have the power to run the world. We just need to be careful how we use our energy. Is it projected for a humane life? Is it utilized to make the world a better place? Is it just benefitting only us or also the others we come across? Let us ask ourselves whether we can truthfully answer these questions. We have the power, let’s take it. We can make the world a better place when we all try.
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