Once we shun envy, we will find that we are able to sincerely compliment even a competitor when he/she has performed well.
MONICA FERNANDES
William Shakespeare coined the expression ‘green eyed monster’ to describe envy in his play Othello. Othello wrongly suspects his wife Desdemona of infidelity, and kills her in a fit of jealous rage. He eventually commits suicide when he discovers his Himalayan blunder.
Envy has been called one of the Seven Deadly Sins because it is the root cause
of many crimes. It is a negative force that prevents positive forces from entering into our thought processes. Psychologists believe that when we are envious, we perceive ourselves
as lacking another person’s qualities, wealth
or achievement. We also wish that the other person be deprived of it. Envy comes as a package deal of emotions including hatred, anger and resentment. This gives rise to various psychosomatic illnesses such as hyperacidity and increased blood pressure.
Dr. Uma Ranganathan says that envy stems from the feeling of insecurity we all have of living in a highly competitive world. It’s all about one-upmanship, and only a saint could truly say that he/she is above envy. According to Dr Ranganathan, envy sometimes originates when parents thoughtlessly compare one child adversely with another. Teachers are
also unwitting culprits when they compare a dull child to a clever one. The result of these comparisons is that the child craves for getting the parents’ or teachers’ approval, and is envious of someone who gets that approval.
Prem Nirmal narrates an interesting case. Neha (name changed) was a student in a computer college. She exhibited a deep-rooted, uncontrollable, and illogical behavioural pattern of envy. A classmate was showing off her new acquisition—a fancy mobile phone. Neha surreptitiously took it away, and threw it somewhere, because it was a possession she herself lacked. Further investigation revealed that she followed this behaviour pattern at home as well, and had thrown her sibling’s prize-winning painting into the dustbin.
Nirmal first set about bringing self- awareness in the patient. The next step
was to remove the old negative behavioural pattern, and replace it with a positive one. This lengthy process is called repatterning. After many sittings, Neha’s story had a happy resolution. She was taught to replace envy with appreciation. She began to appreciate her sibling’s artistic talent.
Janis Joplin belted out a rather amusing song where she asked God for a Mercedes
Benz because all her friends drive Porsches. Psychologists term this behaviour as a Comparison Complex. Nisha thinks, ‘Asha is a lucky woman. She stays in a posh flat.’ Asha is unhappy in her gilded cage where she is totally dominated by her in-laws, but Nisha does not have a sympathetic thought for the hapless Asha. She fails to see the complete picture.
Class envy is the product of man-made differentiation. The poor and less powerful criticise the rich and powerful. Have you noticed the perverse pleasure urchins derive in scratching a swanky car?
Uma feels that envy is not a disease that can be cured. Though envy is happening all
the time, everywhere, society frowns upon an envious person. Hence we tend to go into denial mode, and refuse to admit that we harbour
this emotion. What the psychotherapist does
is bring out the demon lurking inside. He/she
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