Compassion bandages wounds—both theirs and ours. We’ll never bandage
them all, nor do we need to, but we do need to get close to the wounds.
Compassion changes everything. Com- passion heals. Compassion mends the broken
and restores what has been lost. Compassion draws together those who have been
estranged or never even dreamed they were connected. Compassion pulls us out of
ourselves and into the heart of another, placing us on holy ground where we
instinctively take off our shoes and walk in reverence. Compassion springs out of
vulnerability and triumphs in unity.
Compassion and patience are the absolutely unique characteristics of true spiritual
authority, and without any doubt are the way both St. Francis and St. Clare led their
communities. They led, not from above, and not even from below, but mostly from
within, by walking with their brothers and sisters, or “smelling like the sheep,” as
Pope Francis puts it. Only people at home in such a spacious place can take on the
social illnesses of their time, and not be destroyed by cynicism or bitterness.
Spiritual leaders who lack basic human compassion have almost no power to change
other people. Such leaders need to rely upon roles, laws, costume, and enforcement
powers to effect any change in others. Such change does not go deep, nor does it last.
In fact, it is not really change at all. It is mere conformity.
We see this movement toward a
shared compassion in all true great people. For
example, St. Francis was able to rightly distinguish between institutional evil and
the individual who is victimized by it. He still felt compassion for the individual
soldiers fighting in the crusades, although he objected to the war itself. He realized
the folly and yet the sincerity of their patriotism, which led them, however, to be un-
patriotic to the much larger kingdom of God, which we could call the Great
Compassion. The realm of God is one that is known for its kindness and generosity,
its compassion and healing. No one is excluded from fellowship, not the rich or poor,
male or female, slave or free. Jesus went beyond superficial divisions and called for a
culture of compassion.
Mirrored Suffering Leads to Compassion
The outer poverty, injustice, and absurdity we see when we look around us mirrors
our own inner poverty, injustice, and absurdity. The person who is poor outside is
an invitation to the person who is poor inside. As we nurture compassion for the
brokenness of things, and learn to move between action and contemplation, then we
find compassion and sympathy for brokenness within ourselves. We, too, are full of
pain and negativity, and sometimes there is little we can do about it.
Each time I was recovering from cancer, I had to sit with my own broken absurdity
as I’ve done with others at the jail or hospital or soup kitchen. The suffering person’s
pain and poverty is visible and extroverted; mine is invisible and interior, yet just as
real. The two sympathies and compassion connect and become one world. I can’t
look down on a person receiving welfare when I realize I’m receiving God’s welfare.
It all becomes one truth; the inner and the outer reflect one another.
As compassion and sympathy flow from us to any person marginalized for whatever
reason, wounds are bandaged—both theirs and ours. We’ll never bandage them all,
nor do we need to, but we do need to get close
to the wounds. That idea is imaged
so well in the gospels with Thomas, the doubting apostle, who wanted to figure
things out in his head. He had done too much inner work, too much analyzing. He
always needed more data before making a move. Then Jesus told Thomas to put his
finger inside the wounds in Jesus’ hands and side. Then and only then did Thomas
begin to understand.
For most of us, the mere touching of an- other’s wound probably feels like an act of
outward kindness; we don’t realize that its full intended effect is to change us as
much as it might change them. Human sympathy is the best and easiest way to open
heart space and to make us live inside our own bodies. God never intended most
human beings to become philosophers or theologians, but God does want all
humans to represent God’s own sympathy and empathy. And it’s okay if it takes a
while to get there.
According to God’s own self-revelation, “God’s very being is determined by rechem,
which is mercy, loving kindness, compassion.” Translations of the Hebrew most
care- fully connect rechem with the feminine for womb. God’s way of being poured
out in the world is womb-love. A womb provides a safe, holding place for life to
grow
Sacred Self-compassion
Psychologist and theologian Chanequa Walker-Barnes, says, there can be no self-
care without self-compassion, which
is compassion turned inward. It is the ability
to connect to our feelings, to respond to our suffering with kindness, and to desire
that our suffering be ameliorated. Self-com- passion prompts us to treat ourselves in
ways that alleviate, rather than cause or amplify, our pain and suffering. While many
Christians understand compassion, mercy, and kindness to be essential in our
interactions with others, we don’t always see these as core values for our
relationship with ourselves. We neglect our self-care, directly and indirectly
contributing to our pain and suffering. We judge ourselves for our own suffering,
listening to the voice of our inner critic as it rehearses our shortcomings, our errors,
and our deficiencies.
We are supposed to be kind and gentle, caring and nurturing, empowering and
forgiving of ourselves. If we are unable to
do this, ultimately we may be unable to
do it for our neighbors. And if we cannot love our neighbors, whom we can see, we
cannot love God, whom we cannot see (1 John 4:20). Self-compassion, then, is not
indulgence; it is a necessity for true discipleship.
Honestly, the stories playing out in the world can make it difficult to love yourself,
and therefore your neighbor. Messages from the culture that you don’t matter, not
just because of your race, but because of your gender, sexuality, economic status, or
religion, can thwart self-love. Though her skin gives her some privilege, a white
child might grow up in a context of poverty or domestic violence that can cripple her
self-love. A child traveling across deserts and rivers to emigrate with his parents
might lose some of his self-love in the wilderness. Even if you’re born into
circumstances that others consider ideal, messages in the culture can signal that
you’re not good enough, light enough, thin enough, smart enough, feminine or
masculine enough to measure up to some ideal. The space between those ideals and
your realities can make it difficult to embrace your particularities and love them.
Learning to love your particularities is not just an individual project; you need your
communities—your posse—to see those pieces of you, to accept them, and to love
all the parts of you, fiercely.
Compassion Through Connection
For Franciscan scholar Ilia Delio, compassion stems from knowing that we belong to
one another, she says, I think our greatest fear is our deepest desire: to love and to
be loved. We long to be for another and to give ourselves nobly to another, but we
fear the cost of love. Deep within we yearn for whole- ness in love, but to become
more whole in love we must accept our weaknesses and transcend our limits of
separation in order to unite in love. We long for oneness of heart, mind and soul, but
we fear the demands of unity. Sometimes I think we choose to be alone because it is
safe. To be comfortable in our isolation is our greatest poverty.
Compassion transcends isolation because the choice to be for another is the
rejection of being alone. The compassion- ate person recognizes the other as part of
oneself in a way that is mystical and ineffable. It is not a rational caring for another
but a deep identification with the other as brother and sister.
We must seek to unite—in all aspects of our lives—with one another and with the
creatures of the earth. Such union calls us out of isolated existences into community.
We must slow down, discover our essential relatedness, be patient and com-
passionate toward all living creatures, and realize that it is a shared planet with
finite resources. We are called to see and love in solidarity with all creation.
Compassion requires a depth of soul, a connectedness of soul to earth, an earthiness
of person to person, and a flow of love from heart to heart. Recognizing our
relatedness creates space within us that we wouldn’t otherwise find, and opens a
deeper capacity to love.
Compassion is realized when we know ourselves related to one another, a deep
relatedness of our humanity despite our limitations. It goes beyond the differences
that separate us and enters the shared space of created being. To enter this space is
to have space within ourselves, to welcome into our lives the stranger, the outcast,
and the poor. Love is stronger than death and the heart that no longer fears death is
truly free. Compassion flourishes when we have nothing to protect and everything
to share. It is the gravity of all living beings that binds together all that is weak and
limited into a single ocean of love.
We have the capacity to heal this earth of its divisions,
its wars, its violence, and its
hatreds. This capacity is the love within us to suffer with another and to love the
other without reward. Love that transcends the ego is love that heals. When we lose
ourselves for the sake of love, we shall find ourselves capable of real love.
Seeds of Compassion
The one who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and
the one who sows
bountifully will also reap bountifully (2 Corinthians 9:6 ). Joyce Rupp is dedicated to
the cultivation of compassion in the world. The four main spiritual qualities
necessary for compassion’s growth: nonjudgment, nonviolence, forgiveness, and
mindfulness. The more these seeds are nurtured, the greater the harvest of
compassion. Enlivening these four aspects requires deliberate practice and interior
stamina.
We plant the seeds of compassion by being aware of our thoughts and feelings, and
by the deliberate intention to think and respond in a kindhearted manner. We can
teach our minds to activate compassion, so that we do not react on impulse, or go
about our lives unconsciously, missing opportunities to alleviate suffering—and
create more suffering. What do you do with your thoughts and feelings? Do they run
rampant all day without being tended? Do they move your heart toward loving-
kindness? The qualities of nonjudgment, nonviolence, forgiveness, and mindfulness
wait to be nurtured.
